The show must go on
Matt sits there flicking the 60 watt bulbs surrounding the mirrors perimeter. Each one in turn blinks out then blinks back on when its neighbor is flicked. It is simple amusement for a troubled mind. “Do you mind. That is annoying and they can break.” John glared at him from the next dressing table. “Anyhow it’s time you got ready.”
Matt sat there in just his checkered trousers. He picked up a red ball and perched it on his nose. He then proceeded to make faces in the mirror; mostly gruesome. “Matt will you grow up. You are nearly 19 for christ’s sake.” Matt frowned. “Whats got into you Matt? The only smile I see on you lately is the painted one.”
“Its not funny anymore dad. I am not funny anymore. The kids hate me; I hate the kids.”
“That’s not true son. I think…”
“You love the endless key stone cops stuff and the fact that our family have always known the circus life. You don’t know how mundane this has become to me. How I dread each day putting on this charade. I can’t follow in your size 32s it’s too much.” Matt stands with his back to the mirror, perspiration running down his bare chest.
“I am sorry son, I don’t know what to say.”
In the prolonged silence a female dancer strides through the dressing tent. “Oh hello sexy,” she titters. Then disappears.
Matts face at first begins to frown and then transforms into a mile wide grin. He turns and grips his fathers shoulders. “Thats it. Thats it. I will become a male stripper.”
John’s face pales under his makeup. “Er, a what?”
“It’s perfect. I can do an act with the clown suit to start with. I can keep the suit can’t I dad.”
“Now just a minute son. It’s bad enough that the circus is allowing outsiders in and adding Burlesque acts. No stripping, even management wont cross that line.”
“I didn’t mean here dad. I would set up in one of the cities we breeze through.”
John straightens and fixes his gaze. “You tried running away once before remember?”
“That was diff......”
“Ended up with that crazy bitch Andrea.” John’s voice is now trembling.
“We were in love.”
“LOVE! That so called love nearly killed you. This circus saved your life. You owe it.” John stands and pulls Matts red nose off and gesticulates at Matt with it. “If you don’t want this then do something else here.”
“I don’t want any part of this place dad. This circus is invading my very soul. I don’t feel right. At least when I went before I felt myself.”
“I forbid you to leave Matt. You belong here.” John sits down and stares into the mirror. “I have buried one family member already.”
Matt glares at his father. “Leave mum out of this. I have made up my mind. I am going to sort some costumes out.” He strides out of the tent.
John’s makeup is now tear stained. He removes his red nose and sets it down carefully on the table with his sons. He hears the sounds of someone approaching, grimaces and hurries out of the tent.
Grunting and cursing a young woman enters the tent from the opposite side. She is dragging a large heavy wicker basket. She comes to a halt, turns and rests on the edge of the basket. Whilst catching her breath she surveys the area. She spots the one bulb not lit on the dressing mirror and walks over to it. She flicks it and it springs to life. The bulb next to it goes out. She flicks this and the same thing happens. She frowns at the bulb and goes back to the basket. She flips the lid and lifts the top costume out in a cloud of dust. It’s a fur coat with huge brass buttons. She inspects it. A bit tatty, she thinks, but with a bit of work it could become the lion tamers new outfit. Apparently he got his last one shredded after the lion didn’t take to kindly to being used as a duvet when one drunken night the tamer got lost on the way to his bunk.
Matt enters from the opposite side of the tent with a determined look on his face. “Ah! That’s where the costume basket went. I need to.......” He grinds to a halt as the young woman turns to face him. He stares at her, slack jawed.
She stares back. “Well, there you are.”
“Yes,” he manages to utter.
“And here I am too,” she says.
“Yes.” The tennis match continues.
“So here we are, both of us .......together.”
“Talking.”
“Yes silly. Right here in this tent.” She grins at him.
“What the hell are you doing here Andrea?”
“I am the new wardrobe assistant. Isn’t it great.”
“What. Why? You have a job.”
“Oh I got bored with working in the fashion boutique. They never made use of my creative talents.“
“It’s your creative talents that nearly got me killed. Why get a job here of all places?”
“It was Jess who suggested it. Besides I missed you.” She strokes the material of the fur coat.
“You do everything Jess tells you, do you?”
“No! I.....she’s my friend. My best friend.” She tosses the coat on the floor and turns to retrieve the next costume. It’s a silk jesters outfit. She looks back over her shoulder. “You look great Matt.”
“What do you want Andrea?”
“Want. I don’t want anything. That’s lovely what you have on. What is it?”
“Its clown trousers.” He walks up to her and turns her to face him. “What do you want?”
She places her hand on his bare chest. “I have always admired your sense of humor Matt.”
“Andrea! I....”
The female dancer from earlier steps into the tent and stops. “Oh sorry! I will pop back later.” She leaves.
Andrea stares up at Matt. “What is that all about?”
“What?”
“That girl. Are you dating her?”
“Are you still popping those pills Andrea?”
“Oh no, not at all. I am all healthy now. I am going to the gym a lot. Although those machines make my back ache and I fell asleep in the jacuzzi the other day. When I woke up I had an incredible headache and now I keep hearing whooshing sounds in my head all the time.”
“Andrea! I know you. You want something.”
She stares into Matts eyes. “I want another shot at it.”
“At what?”
“At you. I want to make things better between us.”
“Oh no. Oh no. This is not happening. I can’t handle this right now.” Matt grasps Andrea and shoves her to one side, stumbles forward, grips the edge of the basket and stares into its depths.
Andrea circles Matt and flips the basket lid shut. This puts Matt off balance as he retracts his hands quickly and she pushes him onto the lid. She advances on him. “I know I am a mess up. I was reading in this magazine the other day that by the time you’re five you have developed the major patterns for the rest of your life. I mean whether you are going to be happy or ..... a fireman, a lesbian, whatever. It’s not fair I know.” She climbs on top of him and places the jesters costume across his chest. “I will change. There is something about this place that welcomes me and that means we will be good together.”
The female dancer reappears in the tent. “Sorry I need to use the dressing mirror. Don’t mind me.” She crosses to the nearest mirror and sits.
Matt pushes Andrea off and stands. “Andrea just stay away. I don’t know what to think right now. Please just....” He runs out of the tent.
Andrea glares at the dancer, throws the costume at her feet and follows him. “Wait Matt. I love you.”
The dancer sighs. Turns to do her makeup and notices the unlit bulb. She touches it. It comes to life and all the surrounding bulbs seem to brighten.
In walks John and spots her. “Gloria, have you seen Matt?”
“He’s just left with Andrea.”
“Oh for christ’s sake.” He slumps down in the chair next to her.
“He wants to leave the circus Gloria.”
She turns to him. “You know he can’t do that John.”
“I know, I know. It’s just he’s unhappy. Perhaps I should let him go.”
“Sarah left. Look what happened to her. The circus owns us John. It gave him a chance before and brought him back to us. If he leaves it wont give him a second chance.”
“You mean it used that bitch to bring him back. It looks like it’s using her again to make him stay.”
“It’s for the best John.”
“No it’s not. Not for Matt. I need to find a way to break the cycle. Perhaps if I leave that will do it?”
“You can’t win John.” She stands and lays a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Listen to me and leave things well alone.” She leaves the tent.
He grasps the red noses, curses and throws them. He catches his tired reflection in the mirror. One by one the lights around the mirror go out. He disappears in the darkness.
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